There are tips and tricks and Wikihow’s to nearly every question, puzzle or obstacle on this planet. We can hack, DIY and shortcut our way through nearly anything…except marriage.
When it comes to your marriage, the love of your life and your heart there are no shortcuts! BUT there are insights! (Sigh of relief all round)
I asked a few people if they could have had a heads up on one thing before they got married, what would it be? I asked them to share one thing about their wedding planning, their wedding day or their marriages that they thought would be helpful.
These are their answers. Some of these people have been married for decades, some a handful of years, some only months and some are happily divorced.
So take the wisdom that applies to you, leave what doesn’t and most importantly add your thoughts and insight into the mix by adding the one thing you wished you knew before you got married in the comments below.
I wish I knew about the constant negotiation and acceptance needed for ongoing flourishing relationships.
One can ask whatever questions one wants, but with assuming that at the time you’re reasonably mature, reasonably sane and fairly well equipped with some of the basics, then there’s only one thing one really needs to know before you actually get married. That is …that every fiber of your of your body, including your heart, mind and soul – is telling you that you want to be married to that person. Nothing else really matters because whatever flows on from there, will then see you making every effort to ensure a blissful future for the both of you …and of course, for any possible offspring being the result of that relationship.
For my wedding day I wish someone had told us to face each other/our guests during our service. We faced the front of our chapel the entire time and totally missed out on seeing friends and family’s faces during it all.
For our marriage I wish I knew how hard the first few years of marriage were going to be and how much I was going to want to punch people in the face when they commented on the amazing ‘honeymoon phase’. It wasn’t a honeymoon phase it was the worst 2 years of my life. BUT just because your marriage is hard doesn’t mean it’s broken! We are now deeply happy and I am so grateful I learnt what I did in those tough first years.
Before I married (and moved overseas), I wish I knew how much I’d miss my mom, my family and my friends.
Although, this wouldn’t have stopped me marrying him!
First off, the most important thing to remember is the marriage that will follow the wedding. Don’t get lost in all your planning that you forget the real reason why you’re getting married. Don’t fall into the trap of living your planning to the point where you feel disappointed after the wedding because the planning has now come to an end.
On your wedding day remember to take it all in. The day goes by in a flash so try and stay in the moment – take a mental picture of your groom’s face when you’re walking down the aisle; bottle that emotion of nervous energy, excitement and love; etc.
The biggest and most important thing in my opinion is remembering who you are throughout your relationship. Keep a close watch on you as a person, your personality… If at any point you feel like you are straying from who you are because of your relationship, then take a step back, re-evaluate and get back in touch with yourself. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. Keep your friends. And keep your friendships strong through girls-only dinners or brunches. They will be your support structure through any difficulties you may face.
It’s ok to get angry and fight. The way you resolve this is what matters most. It makes ‘us’ stronger, the more we work ‘with’ and ‘through’ it.
I have realised communication and keeping channels open makes life and your relationship easier now and for future. It will eliminate you or him becoming someone you are not used to…but rather help except the person you married for he/she is 🙂 Instead of changing yourself completely.
I definitely wish I did not move abroad just after getting married. Being newly married was a big change in itself and to move to a completely new city and country within a week after tying the knot… Huge mistake
There were little things about him that I fell in love with in the beginning…. little quirks that get to be not so cute 9 years later!
9 years of marriage does however, bring with it, an acquired appreciation for the many other virtues that reveal themselves over time. As life brings us new challenges every year, I get to fall in love again and again. Forging new roads to old dreams and learning to love the people that we become.
I wish I had known is the beauty of oneness and the process of leaving and cleaving means letting go of all you’ve known all your life in order to create a life you both want. It is a do over and it is beautiful!!!
The one thing I wish I knew before marriage is that our challenges, issues, obstacles are not isolated to just us as a couple. I wish I had known that other couples struggle, sleep on couches, have silent periods and times where all you can do is scream at each other. But at the same time that it will get better too. Not to surround yourself with negative people that quietly celebrate your relationship’s hard times so that they can feel better about theirs. Rather to have the friends that will keep you level-headed, helping you to see the other side of the situation as well and that want to see you thrive rather than fall.
And the thing about communication isn’t a cliché or something to be ignored. It really is a foundation that no marriage can do without. There is so much room to misunderstand each other, for unspoken expectations to remain unmet…. You have to LISTEN more than you TALK.
I want to thank everyone who took the time to share their lessons and love here!
Life in general is tough…marriage is no different. It’s the best/worst/most stunning/scarey adventure you will ever go on. It has many phases and flows and I really love the fact that we (me, you and the rest of the Runaway Romance community) can share in each others good and bad phases!! If you think these insights will help someone else you know please continue in the sharing spirit on pass it on or post it out and most importantly share the one thing you wished you knew before you got married in the comments below.