So now that you have answered the 6 tough questions you need to ask yourself if you want to make your groom an equal partner in your wedding day, here are some straight answers and 6 ways to start making him your team mate:
1 – Feel like you’re doing it all?
Stop feeling like people expect you to have it together.
Feeling pressure to constantly have your shit together is exhausting and lonely.
Feeling like you’re doing it all is incredibly common among brides. Your life is busy and full and the chances are you have never planned an event this big… So listen up no one (except maybe you) expects you to do this alone!
Calling in professional or family help does not mean you lose control of your wedding or are less of a bride. Asking for help, especially when it makes you sleep better and snap less, is a very good idea.
2- Can’t trust him to do it to your standard?
Take the time to get him on your page.
Well now this is something I get! As a bit of a perfectionist I get that doing it yourself may feel faster than explaining it to someone else…but guess what missy this guy (or girl) that happens to be your fiancé is going to be around for a while.
Like forever a while!
And if you plan on having a marriage where you are both equals and you don’t end up burning yourself out because you are so busy doing it all to your standard.. you better learn how to communicate and let them take charge of a few things!
If this means more date nights putting feelings/expectations into words or a few trips to a therapist who helps open up lines of communication then I suggest you do it. Being a solo act doesn’t work in wedding planning or in a marriage.
3-He is totally not interested in the wedding day details?
Look at the root of the problem not the resulting action.
Ok so why is your fiancé uninterested in the plans?
Have you taken over and left him with nothing to get interested about? Or is he just not interested because deep down inside he doesn’t want to do everything you are suggesting?
If it’s the first then apologise and start again by sharing out tasks. Ask him what aspect of the wedding he would like to take control of and then let him!
If it is the second reason this may be a huge indication that you need to STOP and reevaluate. Are you losing focus on the day? If you are planning something you are not both on board with then what’s the point?
4-Do you secretly want the ‘princess for a day’ feeling?
Find your worth in the relationship not the wedding day.
Look if you are reading this blog then I know you! You are a beautiful woman with a big heart and a meaningful life.
You don’t need to use your wedding as a stage. Your life is your stage and you have people who love and treasure you already.
One treasures you so much he even asked you to marry him! So don’t be afraid that you will never feel like a princess again because you are about to become somebodies WIFE and that trumps princess every day of the week.
5-Do you wish the people around you would do more?
Ask for help.
Without sounding like Captain obvious here, have you actually asked them to do more?
Have you said the words.. Babe I need more help on X? Mom I’m battling to organise Y could you do it?
You may find that they are trying to be respectful of this time and not step on any toes. Maybe they have been dying for you to ask them! So go on and see what they say when you ask.
6-Are you scared of your wedding day or the marriage that follows?
Change the things that don’t work for you.
Being nervous about the unknown is normal. There are always things you wished you knew before you got married but if you are petrified of marriage you may need to talk to your groom or counselor about this?
Trust your gut and rather get all your fears out in the open now and not a couple of months in.
If your actual wedding day is freaking you out change it! Cancel the speeches if that’s what’s making you stress.
Has your guest list turned into a monster? Then elope.
There are no rules here. You get to do what you want…so do it!
Expect him to excel. Tell him (in straight to the point no subtle hints kinda way) what you need from him and then be patient enough to give him the time and the trust he needs to get it done.
Assuming you are marrying a good man who loves you (if you aren’t what the heck are you doing) and assuming you are willing to get off the ‘princess for the day, the world revolves around me’ train there is no reason why your groom shouldn’t step up and take an active role in the planning of your wedding and more importantly your lives together afterwards!
By sharing our thoughts and fears openly we take the power out of the things that scare us the most! So if you found either of these posts at all helpful please share them on your social media or send them to a friend who may need to hear this through the share links below.