I’m a very serious person and the more passionate I am about something the more seriously I take it. So as you can imagine 23 year old me took my wedding planning pretty flippen seriously.
I was thrown an incredible kitchen tea. I was a little late because poor old hubby to be thought they really did just serve tea at a kitchen tea and knew that I got grumpy when I was hungry, so in all his goodness stopped and forced me to eat lunch thinking he was saving all my guests from a grump (but was actually just causing me to be an hour late. That heart though!)
There were balloons, flowers and little eats on perfect little cocktail tables. There was a cake and it was generally just wonderful. I got spoilt, I wore a sexy little French maid’s outfit and we laughed. My mother and sister in law flew in to be with me and the people who were there loved me so well.
And then it finished.
Everyone went home and exactly 10 minutes later I burst into tears! Actually I sobbed my little heart out.
I think it went something like… “it’s over” sob sob sob …. “it’s the only kitchen tea I will ever have and it went so fast” sob sob sob…. “why couldn’t people stay longer?” sob sob sob…
You see this was the first ‘milestone’ on this weird wedding rite of passage I felt I was entitled to / had to take / was on. It was the first event that made the reality of my wedding and marriage official and instead of being happy I had it, I was devastated it was over.
I was expecting to feel different. I felt like I had missed something. I was disappointed. Not in the tea or the effort people had put into it but in myself…because I didn’t feel the way I always expected I would feel after my kitchen tea!
Looking back this was the first indication that I had and was building up such high expectations of what I, as a bride, was meant to be feeling like, looking like, acting like that I was totally missing all the joy that comes from just being there.
A few years on it is easy to have this perspective but at the time it was lonely! Like hell I was going to tell my mother or bridesmaids I had burst into tears after the tea they had thrown me, my poor sweet man face didn’t get it either (and started to wonder if I had cold feet, so I stopped talking to him about it too) I would never have told any of my wedding suppliers what I felt because I was being all professional and in control. (rolls eyes at herself)
So I was alone. Alone in this bubble of self-inflicted, expectation fueled, completely unnecessary emotional turmoil.
Maybe you are there too? Maybe some of the unspoken emotions attached to wedding planning and marriage are creeping in or even flooding in? Maybe you feel just a little out of control, overwhelmed or disappointed? I thought I was the only bride in the entire world who wasn’t over the moon ecstatic about everything. I felt like a failure and that made me feel even more sad and alone… I mean what bride fails at being happy while planning her wedding for F’s sack?
Well you wonderful heart…ME and lots and lots and lots of other brides too!! So listen to me when I tell you YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE NOT WEIRD FOR FEELING THESE THINGS! YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!
There are so many more emotions attached to weddings and marriages than just happy and excited and as much as I want happy and excited for you the reality is sometimes that only comes when you let yourself feel and deal with scared, overwhelmed and not in control first.
Your feelings, no matter what they are, are real and valid. Respect them, share them and then get back to the reason you are doing this in the first place…the love of your life and the start of your forever!
P.S If you are a bride who needs some neutral ground or help dealing with your wedding planning (and it’s emotions) please send me a message. If you know a bride to be who could do with some love and support please share this with her via the share buttons below and let her know once and for all she is not alone and that you love her dearly!