“Marrying young is not the end of freedom. It means I want to travel and see the world, but with her by my side. It means I still like drinking in bars and dancing in clubs, but leaving with her at 2am and eating pizza in our underwear. It means I know I want to kiss those lips every morning and every night before bed. If you see marriage as the end of your ‘freedom’ then you are doing it wrong.”
When I read this caption under one of Angelo’s Instagram pics I knew he was the man I wanted to talk a little more to about ‘The groom myth’. If you haven’t read my previous post on this go and have a peek but basically I’m calling timeout on this mind-set that grooms are and can just be spectators at their own weddings!
Read on as I ask Angelo a couple of questions about what wedding planning means to him as a groom and how he has coped with long distance planning!? (He currently studies overseas)
And if you think Angelo looks familiar..HE IS.. he was one half of our amazing ‘Best day ever’ engagement shoot couple!
RR: So the general stereotype is that the wedding day is the bride’s special day and all the groom has to do is pitch up.Have you found this? And how did/does it make you feel?
A: I have found this stereotype to be largely true. Maybe it is because a wedding isn’t a very masculine affair, but that is no excuse for a man not to make a compromise and show some interest.
I understand that for some couples the bride may want to take all the tasks under her wing and make the wedding her own, while the groom is more than happy to have the final product revealed to him once all the work has been done.
That hasn’t been the case for us despite me being away for most of the wedding planning process. I have never been that kind of person.
Our wedding planning hasn’t been your ordinary wedding planning because I have been away for the majority of it. I was home for January and I knew I had to do as much as I could that month to organise meetings with vendors and venues while Courts was at work because the next 6 months without me were going to be hectic for her.
I must say we got a lot done that month. Despite that Courtney had to decide the décor on her own and send me pictures of options. I was pretty happy with what she chose and deep down inside I will be happiest on the day with what ever makes her happy. It is possibly like that for most grooms too.
As a male the décor doesn’t mean as much to us as say the venue or who is on the guest list. It is possible that most grooms don’t want to get too involved because they believe the creative planning side is the bride’s domain. With that being said I really wanted to do as much as I could so that I could feel a part of our special day.
I also took care of the invites and guest list while I was in Italy to help with the load. I think our relationship has always been one of sharing the duties, as it should be in a modern day relationship. So naturally when it came to our wedding the tasks would be shared.
I would have felt uneasy allowing Courts to take care of everything, my personality wants to get stuck in, and always be in the know how (#perfectionistproblems). Which has proved a difficulty at times too.
RR: What are your personal feelings on the prep leading up to your wedding?
A: I don’t think it has been too stressful. It has been a lot of fun visiting places and trying to figure out exactly what we want.
It has been an adventure in its own.
But if you ask Courtney the response might be the complete opposite! Hahaha!
One thing that was difficult was trying to please our families.
We would go view a venue and we were really happy with it and when we would bring our families to see it they had a completely different opinion on it and we felt really deflated on a few occasions having to deal with that.
Valuable advice we received was to listen to input from others but ultimately make decisions on our own and stick with them because it is impossible to please everyone.
I would say the best advice we received from the get go was from the pastor that will be marrying us. He told us that the difficulties you face in planning the wedding is nothing new, everyone goes through it. The planning is not rainbows and butterflies but the closer you get the easier and more exciting it gets. After all, no good thing comes without a bit of difficulty.
RR: You said in the piece above that “marrying young doesn’t mean the end of your freedom” do you find in general guys have a perception that marriage means the end of freedom? If so where do you think they got this picture from?
A: Yes, most definitely. It often happens that people ask me how old I am and I answer 26, and they respond with “why are you getting married so young?” When did 26 become too young?
There is a t-shirt I saw recently which has a couple at the alter printed on the front with the words “GAME OVER”. I think that’s the way marriage is viewed in society, especially at a young age.
Ultimately it stems from the fact that marrying someone means you are no longer responsible for yourself, but you are responsible for someone else’s life, and that is perceived as being a ball and chain, which in my view, is a very shortsighted perspective.
If I have found a woman I love deeply who is compatible with me and loves me in return, then there is no better time than now to begin building a life with her. At the end of the day marriage does not put an end to life, it means your joys will be two fold because you get to share in every day experiences with someone that makes those experiences richer.
Marriage is a progression to the next level; to a life where you can share the joys with someone you love deeply while building a life that will stand the test of time. I would like to look back one day and tell my kids about OUR younger days and not tell my wife and kids about MY younger days.
RR: So do you think wedding planning can basically seem like the ‘beginning of the end’ to some people? Haha…sorry I’m just trying to understand why so many grooms shy away from the wedding day prep so much.
A: Yes!!! I really believe so many people see the wedding day as the finish line and not the start line to the rest of life, which it is. (Quote from fierce marriage)
*READ THE REST OF ANGELO’S INTERVIEW HERE.*
Is/was your groom involved in your wedding planning prep? Yes, No, I wish he was….Let me know your story in the comments below!